The diagnosis was ESD: Election Seasonal Disorder. The past two years have left many people in a state of anxiety, embarrassment, and concern. The election went on for that long, and it often moved into subject areas never imagined.

Who can be trusted? Who lies? One candidate behaved in ways that made who he is clear. The other behaved in ways we were constantly encouraged was not the truth.

When I was in Budapest a month ago, the hotel owner asked me about Trump. I asked him if he was aware Trump planned on building a wall between the United States and Mexico with the Mexicans paying for it. He said he had heard that. I told him that I did not believe that would ever happen, however, as we spoke Canada was building a wall between the United States and Canada to be sure that Americans would not flock to Canada if Trump wins.

He laughed. For me the humor was a nice break from ESD.

The older we get, the more conscious we are of what we can do to keep our bodies healthy.  The focus is not so much on how we look, but on how we feel and how we want to continue to feel.

Exercise has been a routine in my life for a long time.  Since moving to California, I have gone to a gym three mornings a week for 40 minutes.  I use a variety of machines and, in between, follow an exercise tape.  I have seen this as a way of using my body, keeping it flexible, enhancing balance, and strengthening arms and legs.

The other morning I went to a weekly meeting where I always prepare the coffee for a large group of people.  I am there before anyone.  I went to the cabinet where the materials are stored, including the coffee pot.  In front of it, all of the items left from an event we had done two days earlier in the same building, were stacked.  I could not get into the cabinet.  I moved the items to another location about 10 feet away.  This included eight cases of sodas and water and boxes containing six bottles of wine each.  Each was heavy and the stack was high.

I imaged feeling uncomfortable the next morning. Instead, I felt no discomfort.

This is another piece of evidence that we are able to take care of our bodies and prevent pain.

Take care, readers.

Sometimes regression can be fun.

Last night I was at a fundraiser sponsored by the Alameda Business Network. Because we did the event a week before Halloween, it was an option to wear a costume.

I have not done this in years.  But, I made the choice, while shopping one day, to glance at costumes, deciding I would consider something to wear on my head.  To be honest, I wanted a tiara, but the only ones I found were too tiny.  And then I saw cat ears, and I reflected on my grandkittens and decided the character fit.

During the fundraiser, quite a few people showed up in costume, and it was truly entertaining.  It was delightful to see people I know made up in characters that took thought and time.

It was great to be playful.

Oh, those professionals know how to do it.

I listened to an interview with Norman Lear.  He produced innumerable shows including All In the Family on television.  Next month he will be 94 years old.

He was asked about how he would explain his success, good health, and sharp mind.  He said “I can sum it up in two words.  Over and next.”  He said that when the day is done, whatever happened is over.  He does not dwell or hold on to things of the past.  He lets them go.  He moves onto the next.  He looks forward and makes plans.

He then suggested that if one could put a hammock between over and next , it would signify the here and now.  Be there when you can.  That is how he does it.

He got my attention.  We do tend to dwell on the past and hold on to things.  To be able to move on is liberating.  And to be in the present allows us to appreciate what we have and be who we are.

Think about it.

While at exercise today, I was aware of what appeared to be an intense conversation between the manager and a woman.  Another person came up to me and began to describe an exchange that had occurred before I had arrived.  The woman was very upset about conversations occurring between a few people exercising.  She said they were so loud she could not hear the music.  The manager turned up the music.  The woman asked that the people be asked to stop talking because she still found herself unable to hear the music adequately.

I am aware that I am focused on interpersonal verbal communication.  I understand a person’s interest in hearing music while exercising.  During my time there I did not find the conversation overriding my ability to hear the music. I am dismayed by an attempt to discourage conversation.

In my time at exercise, we formed a group to meet for lunch once a month because some of the people we had formed relationships with at exercise no longer attended and we wanted to maintain contact.  It is a nice feeling to form relationships and to nurture them periodically.  We had gotten to know each other through conversation,

The music was the background.

Technology and our life styles have changed the way we live our lives.  We take in more information and more quickly than we did historically.  We have dual working families.  We move away from our home towns and our family homes.  And increase in divorces creates more blended families.

More people.  More places.  More information.

Our bodies, particularly our brains, have not evolved fast enough to adapt.  Studies have validated this piece of information about our brains.  Thus we take in more data, but have a harder time accessing it, thus the belief that, as we age, we forget more easily.  We will eventually access it; it takes longer because of the amount stored.

It is valuable to recognize how stress is affecting our lives, and it is more valuable to find ways to deal with it.  Exercise, verbalizing thoughts and feelings, are very helpful.  Finding the time is often the problem.

I was the speaker at a recent group of professionals.  I asked the group to break into pairs.  Each person was asked to write down on a piece of paper an adjective that was descriptive of them.  I encouraged selecting an adjective that they were proud of.  They exchanged papers with their partner and said nothing.

I then spoke about the trend to not talk to people; to email, text, leave messages on machines, respond to menus, etc.  I pointed out that we miss the personal interaction, the opportunity to visualize a person’s response as we talk, and we do not elaborate based on our immediate experience.  Our inability to elaborate also diminishes our opportunity to more fully disclose our thoughts, feelings, and a fuller sense of who we are.

After I spoke, I asked them to return the paper to its owner and begin a conversation about the adjectives.  They took turns telling each other why it was chosen, or whatever else each wanted to disclose.

These discussions went on for 15 minutes until I indicated our time was up.  The group disclosed significant enhanced awareness of the opportunity to talk to someone and said it led to valuable conversation.

This simple exercise demonstrates the value to talking to people.  It is valuable to be listened to.

A man came into therapy whose wife had died a few months earlier and he was not able to move past severe grief.  Within a matter of weeks, he informed me that he had found an friend from years ago on Facebook.  He was surprised she was back in California and had left her last partner.

The next week he informed me that he was in love with this woman.  I asked him when he saw her.  He had not.  He said the full substance of their interaction was through text.  I asked, “You have not even spoken to her?”  He said he had not.

I pointed out that he was not using his senses to establish a relationship with her.  I suggested he at least meet her for lunch.  She lived two hours away.  He did not.  Eventually arrangements were made for her to move in with him.  I heartily encouraged him to see her in person, and this was finally arranged when she was coming close to his community to see a friend who was very ill.

A bit extreme, one might think.  But it is the way too many people are communicating with each other.  Many people I have talked to are meeting over the internet and waiting long periods of time to meet in person.

It will be interesting to discover, in time, how this is working in relationships.

We are very technological in our lifestyle.  We are on smart phones, computers,  etc.  We text.  We send emails.  We avoid conversations.

What concerns me most is the discovery that younger people are not learning to talk to people face to face or voice to voice.  Messages are sent.  We avoid expressing ourselves directly and we avoid having to respond quickly.  Our anxiety levels are lower when we communicate our thoughts and feelings indirectly.

We also fail to learn body language.  To be able to visualize a facial expression and watch gestures often discloses a lot.

A woman told me about having lunch with a group of people and one of the women made a comment that was racist and anti-Semitic. She made the decision to not confront the woman in front of everyone and decided to call her after the lunch.  As the lunch ended, she asked another attendee of color if she was bothered by the comment.  The person said she had not heard the comment, but she asked, “Do you intend to send her an email?” The woman responded, “That would be too easy for both of us.  I could more easily confront her by message and she would not have to respond on the spot.  I will call instead.  It feels scarier, but I prefer not to avoid the feelings.”

She did, and the woman she called seemed to be uncomfortable about being told her comment was not appreciated.  She chose to say she did not mean to be insulting.

Perhaps she learned something.

Most schools offer sex education classes.  Typically, parents need to sign a form to give the school permission to include their child.  This alone suggests the sensitive subject of sex.

Teaching children at home offers a more personal and intimate way of discussing the subject.  It is not easy for most parents because we often did not have these conversations when we were growing up, thus no role modeling.  I suggest reading about educating our children beforehand if there is discomfort.

I had a parent tell me that she was asked by her four-year-old daughter how babies were made.  The mother was pregnant at the time.  She told her that the woman has eggs and the man has sperm and when they get together, a baby can be created.  The child paused, and went on, “How do the eggs and sperm get together?”  The mother said that she was proud of herself for having gotten this far, but the next step was causing her to feel anxious.

She told her daughter that couples who are in love communicate their feelings physically beyond hugging and kissing.  They share their bodies in an act called intercourse.  At some point the man puts his penis in his partner’s vagina and he releases sperm.  If the sperm connects with her egg, a baby can be conceived.

“Oh,” the daughter said, “can I watch when you and Daddy do it?”  The mother said that it is a very private act and she would not be allowed to watch.

The child’s response?

“I won’t tell anybody.”

The mother ended with the statement that it was not going to happen.  It never came up again.