Isaac and Ari were here for a sleepover.  I am tempted to address the thoughts and feelings that were shared, always a statement of how I love learning more about them all the time.  I am tempted to disclose the things that we did, always a reflection of their diversified interests.

Instead, let me address their junk food consumption.  No, just let me list it.

Popcorn, jelly bellies, and caramel popcorn (homemade).

I just realized this is less than usual.  I may have to do another blog on this another time.

It was time to connect with new referral prospects.  I made a list.  I was practical about it; I included addresses and phone numbers.  My plan was to call, introduce myself, and, hopefully, be able to set up a time to meet.

I do not like this part of my business.  I enjoy meeting the people.  I do not like the initial calls.

I was at a meeting with a speaker.  My friend Bob was sitting next to me.  I told him about my marketing dilemma before the speaker began.  He suggested writing out a script or two before I began making calls.

During the presentation, the speaker suggested that too many solo workers do not recognize that hiring help would be very beneficial.  The cost is often worth not having work to do that creates a feeling of being overwhelmed or preoccupied.

I turned to Bob and said, “If I write the scripts, will you make the calls?”  He laughed.

Later that day I was telling my daughter about my resistance to performing this task, and she said, “I would happily call people to promote you.”

Somehow, I cannot convince myself that having other people make these calls is appropriate.  At some point, I am going to have to accept and perform this task.

Impulsively, I decided to make some.  I have a few recipes, and decided to make the first ones I prepared when I had children.

Some memories emerged.

Julie preferred eating the dough raw before the chocolate chips were added.  She did not care for chocolate.  Whose child is this?

I worked long days, typically getting home as the kids were preparing to go to bed.  Lest I be away from Carrie, Erik and Julie for too many hours during the week, I chose to leave myself and hour open to be home when they got home from school.

Carrie walked in, warmly greeted me, and went to her room to do homework.

Erik walked in, warmly greeted me, and went to watch Johnny Sacko, a Japanese dubbed show, before he went to his room to do his homework.

Julie walked in, warmly greeted me, and went to her room to call a friend to resolve an issue with a friend over something that had occurred at school.

They did not talk to me.  They did not tell me about their school day. They had their own agenda.

I wondered what might have been different if I had baked chocolate chip cookies?

I never found out.  I stopped coming home for an hour.  I don’t know that they noticed.

A client told me that she had a painful experience with a very long term friend.  They were at a museum viewing a show that was very significant to both of them.  It was political and it represented the views they had taken historically.  The friend viewed the show in ten minutes and indicated she would be in the gift shop.  My client was surprised that her friend had spent so little time at the show.

When she was done, she met her friend and asked her opinion of the show.  The friend responded, “It was alright.”  My client was troubled by the brevity of her answer.

When she related this to me, she explained that she was distressed because she believes her friend may not want to be her friend anymore since she discloses very little in terms of her thoughts and feelings.  I asked her if she has spoken to her about this.  She said, “I have asked her innumerable times to tell me more, and she does not.  I know where she will go with this so I have not.”

Often we fail to disclose what we are truly thinking and feeling.  To say to her friend, “I am concerned that our relationship is changing and I would like to discuss this,” addresses the problem directly instead of adding her own interpretation of her friend’s behavior.

We are not encouraged or taught how to express who we are.  It is unfortunate.

I made the decision to get a new computer.  The one I had was over five years old.  I did not want to wait until it crashed.  And so I went shopping.

The first thing I told the salesperson was that I needed to know that I could transfer my Quickbooks and Word to the new computer.  She said that was easy to do.  Wrong.

It turned out to be impossible to do.  I had to buy a new Quickbooks and a new Office program.

In the meantime, my computer spent a good deal of time with the Geek Squad.  I was without it for over two days in totality.

Fortunately, I had taken the smart phone my daughter gave me a while ago, resistant as I was to giving up my flip phone.  I never use my mobile phone and did not feel there was a reason to change unless I was unable to board a plane without the boarding pass on my phone.

Without my computer, I was able to check emails.  And so, with underlying resentment and anxiety, I survived the time.  I will write about the adjustment to new technology next time.

I always thought I was not a dependent person.  Wrong there too.

I call my kids on Saturdays when I have the time available.  This has been a ritual since they were in college away from home.

I called Erik’s home today and left a message asking him to return my call.

This afternoon the phone rang and it was Isaac.  He is 11 years old.  We talked about his week.  He told me about a project he completed for his architecture and design course.  He informed me that they had gotten bean bags for the rec room.  I indicated that I will be at his soccer game next week.

I then asked to speak to Ari, who is eight.  Ari told me about a Netflix series he is watching.  I told him I would be at his soccer game next week also.  I indicated that I knew his Dad was running an errand and would call me when he got home.  Ari said, “My Mom is here.”  I said he could give her the phone.  He said, “I’ll ask her if she wants to talk to you.” He started to laugh.

Ellen took the phone and I told her what Ari said. She laughed and said, “I did not know I had a choice.  I wish he had told me.”

Cuteness prevails in this family.

When people think of intimate connections, they typically are referring to couple relationships: lovers, partners, mates.   I certainly understand that.

I am aware that I also have intimate connections with my children.  When they were young, I used to have a “date” with each one of them.  We went for a walk, or out to eat, or to a movie, or shopping, or on a trip.  It was important to me to maintain a very personal one to one relationship with each one of them.  They have shared the value of that for them also.

This weekend I visited my daughter in Los Angeles.  I do this twice a year.  We do have certain rituals during my time there.  However, the conversation is always disclosing about who we are in the moment.  We truly keep up with who we are at all times.  I had the opportunity to share meals with a few of her friends who I continue to enjoy over the years.  The same openness exists with them.

Next weekend I spend a good part of Sunday with my other daughter.  We do this whenever we can.  We will begin by going to my grandson’s soccer game, then she and I will have lunch and attend a concert together.  In between the activities, we will exchange thoughts and feelings on a deeper level.

I need to set up a “date” with my son.  I find that the nights my grandson’s sleep over, we have the same opportunity.

Moving to California has gratified my primary desire to spend more time with these precious people.

The feelings of scare, helplessness, powerlessness and anger have been common in my office since the presidential election.  I did not anticipate the commonality of those themes.  I know that I am in a progressive community where residents do not live with pervasive fears of segregation, discrimination, violence, racism, homophobia or xenophobia.  It is a very diverse area.

And yet, there is fear.

One client travels all over the world and is concerned about not being able to return to the United States at some point.  At this time her fear would seem to be irrational.

Another person is an illegal Canadian and is terrified she will be deported.  She is married to an American and has a child from that relationship.  She wanted to protest at one of the airports, but was too afraid to do so.

Another is frightened that there will be control over the internet.  His work and his communication is based on the internet.

A gay client attends college out of state and says all the gays she knows are afraid.

I am pleased I can offer a room where people can ventilate.  I encourage action of some sort to countermand the feelings of powerlessness.  Everyone can do something.  Hopefully each can find comradery by doing so and feel the benefit of contributing to change.

Sometimes there is realistic paranoia.

I participated in the Women’s March in Oakland.  The estimate is that 100,000 people participated in that march.  There were many men and many children. That meant a lot to me.

I raised my three children with a strong focus on values.  Caring about people, being non-judgmental, and being true to one’s beliefs were some of them.  It meant a lot to me that my children, now adults and parents, participated in the marches yesterday also.  We were in three different cities.

I recall going to marches with my daughters years ago.  I involved them in the issues of the time, women’s rights and abortion rights.  It was important to me to lay a foundation of what I believed was a humane view of the world.  I always encouraged them to be honest about who they were and I knew that their views and beliefs might become different than mine as they aged.

And yet, yesterday, they demonstrated they have internalized the same values.  And they, too, continue to take action in regard to their beliefs.

I applaud those who brought their children yesterday.

Role model for someone.  It feels very fulfilling. And, more importantly, encourages an impact on how the values move forward.

Stay active.

Working full time.  Raising children.  Running errands.  Taking care of pets.  Taking care of the home.  Preparing meals. Doing laundry.  Taking phone calls.  Making phone calls.  Taking care of bills and business.  Shopping.

There is much to do on most days.  Often there is little down time in the evening.  We look forward to the weekend, hoping for less of a schedule.

Add one more unexpected phenomenon, like illness, and the overwhelmed feeling goes over the edge.

For the most part, this is how we choose to live our lives.  I encourage making a commitment to having a break.  Schedule it so that it is a part of our ritual.

Go to a restaurant.  Go to a movie.  Go to the library.

I advocate this strongly to couples with children so that they can maintain a private, intimate relationship where they can truly catch up with each other.  Do this once a week.  It makes a difference.

Relax.