I was at a social event and met a woman I had not seen in years.  She now has a two- year-old son who was not with her at the party.  She knows I am a parent as well as a life coach.  She expressed her frustration with her child when he asserts himself and refuses to comply with her directions.  She indicated she has read innumerable books on the subject and has tried various interventions.

She asked me what I recommend to help her be a better parent.  She said she is very concerned she is doing everything wrong and assured me she loves him.

Many people have shared similar concerns with me.  Parenting is role that requires ongoing learning and reflection.  There is not a simple answer to any problem.  We each have to discover what works for us and our child.

I understand the frustration.  Parenting is an ongoing challenge with endless rewards.

Alameda is a very diverse community.  Temple Israel is where many of the Jewish families have joined for religious, educational and cultural purposes.  A few days after the demonstrations in Charlottesville, Virginia where many anti-semitic groups participated, two windows were broken at the Temple.  A camera showed it was a tall person wearing a hoodie.

Two days later, notification was made through social media that there was going to be a vigil at the Temple on Friday night before the Sabbath service at 7:30.  I went, as did about 500 other people.  It was far larger than anticipated.  The Mayor and City Council were present and, along with other officials, spoke.  Members of other clergy were there and one began the speeches.  The head of the Alameda Police said it was being treated as a hate crime.

The President of the Temple Israel invited everyone to attend the service.  250 people took her up on the offer.

It is so meaningful to provide support.  I hope we do this as an active part of our lives.

My daughter Carrie Rice works as a consultant to non-profits.  She was doing a presentation in San Francisco focusing on using empathy in working with clients.  The response to the word empathy was significant.  People were drawn to it and wanted to attend her presentation.  She suggested to me the idea of working together where I would talk about the experience of empathy from a psychological framework and she would then talk about its professional advantage in seeking business.

I mentioned this to a friend who is a psychologist in Michigan.  She said she was aware that empathy had become a word people were attracted to there also.

I reflected on the enhanced attraction to the concept of empathy and thought that there may be an explanation based on what is happening in the United States and the world in regard to terrorism, racism, and fear of the use of nuclear weapons.

My thought is that people are subliminally seeking relief; to connect to people in a caring way feels much better than being afraid and helpless.

If this speaks to you, there may be accuracy in the thought.

I agreed to bake for a social event.  There will be about 40 people there, though the amount is not predictable.  I thought about what to prepare and decided that cookies would be a good choice.  Other desserts were not finger foods, and with other food being available at this event, I did not want people to have to take a plate and fork.

I looked through my recipe box for a recipe.  Favoring chocolate myself (in fact, being close to requiring it in a dessert), I looked for a cookie with chocolate.  I decided on a recipe that yields many cookies and they tend to hold well, not easily breakable.

As I participated in this process, I found myself moving to the refrigerator, opening the freezer, and taking out a container of cookies I have baked that I keep for guests.  Note that last word.

I took out a frozen cookie and ate one.

Doesn’t everyone do that?

I have written before about my concerns about the massive presence of technology in our lives.  I have had a computer since the 1970’s.  I had a cell phone in the early 1990’s.  Having them does not mean I am well educated about them or that I know all of the ways I could use them in my life.  But, I am not new to the world of technology.  I am severely undereducated about it, for the most part, by choice.

My primary concern is about the diminishment of human interaction and vocal communication.  We talk less.  We spend less time with people.  That concerns me and I am curious to know the impact it is having on people.

A conversation about this occurred at one of my business groups.  One man said that when his children were at home, the parents asked that no phones or I-pads be brought to the table when they ate dinner.  He said that at times, one of the kids would begin to use their phone or I-pad and the parents would ask them to put it away.  Eventually, they found a way to address the issue.

When it was taken out, the child was told they would be washing dishes. That became the consequence.  The instruments disappeared.

I applaud this intervention.  Creative parenting.

Today a client told me she is overwhelmed.  She works full time owning her own business.  She lives alone and does the housekeeping, cooking and shopping.  She is taking a significant exam to go back to school and needs to study.  She is on a special eating plan and has to prepare enough food on Sundays to last through the week.

We explored ways she could have a couple of hours away from these demands.  Hiking, swimming in a lake, taking a drive, having coffee with a friend.  It was not easy for her to focus on this and I am eager to hear what she did next week.

As she was departing, I told her that I had awakened during the night and discovered I was really looking forward to cleaning my house today.  It is a contrast to work and membership responsibilities.  I was going to be alone.  For me, having the time to do a regular task at my own pace and be able to visualize some of the results of my work, was something to look forward to.

She left concerned about me.  I did well.

I recently took a weekend trip down to LA to visit Julie, my daughter.  Lately my knees have been uncomfortable and I will be beginning physical therapy in a couple of weeks.  I have mentioned this to her and am aware that I rarely talk about how I am doing physically.  I told her that walking up and down stairs tends to put the most stress on my knees.

There is an elevator in her apartment and over the weekend it failed to work on a few occasions.  She took immediate action calling the building manager and I discovered that she was very assertive, mentioning that I was visiting and she did not want me walking the stairs.  There were a few interventions that she took as the elevator was not reliable.

We went to a play downtown which meant parking underground.  As we walked to a restaurant and the theater, there were steps.  In each situation, she kept directing me to the elevator even though it was a longer walk, but did not require stairs.

Her care was very touching to me, though not surprising.  As a person who prefers not being taken care of, even when ill, she saved me from discomfort.

I hope I am attentive to others in the same way.

Thanks, TF.

I am not surprised by a theme presented by many of my clients.  The summer brings a new schedule for the children which often means a new schedule for the parents.  Arranging to get the children to their activities and dealing with the children’s adjustment or lack of it to the activity produces frustration and stress for many.

I recall when my children were younger.  The end of the school year meant dance recitals, soccer or baseball banquets, graduation parties, and finalizing all school responsibilities.  I was worn out and eager for the summer break.  Once summer began, it was rearranging schedules to provide transportation to day camp or summer jobs or to friend’s houses or to the roller rink or to wherever.

It took me a month to acclimate and by the end of summer I was worn out by the schedule and ready for school to start.  School began and it was new schedules: getting to school, to jobs, to soccer, and adjusting to new teachers and subjects.  It took me a month to acclimate.

I finally accepted that the theme was repetitive.  I was worn out twice a year and acclimating two months a year.

We all adjusted and are still talking to each other.

In Alameda, there is an attempt to have restaurants stop automatically providing plastic straws with drinks.  The straws are not recyclable.  To begin with, the goal is to have the facilities wait for someone to ask for a straw before giving one.  This means that people have taken the responsibility of contacting places and asking them to do this.

It also means that guests can take the initiative of asking servers to not bring a straw.  Once again, an attempt to heighten peoples’ awareness of how we can contribute to help save our environment.

Paper straws are apparently far more expensive than plastic ones, thus making it difficult to expect that food places will make a switch.

I hope that this blog will heighten our awareness of how we can stop contributing to deterioration.  We all need to be educated about so many behaviors that have become habitual or ritualized in our lives.

Can we change?  I sure hope so.

Last week I mentioned my two cancelled flights to Detroit to see my mother-in-law who is soon to be 100 years old.  I adore her.  I called her two days in a row to let her know each flight had been cancelled.

During our second call she told me that she was having a physical problem and had delayed treatment because of my visit.  She never will talk about her ailments.

She also told me that she had learned something from me in 1998 when I was in a very serious auto accident.  For a while it was not certain I would live.  Her recollection was that I decided to live and development an attitude to transcend and move on.  It worked for me.  She disclosed that there have been a few times when she remembers that motivation and has used it to move on herself.

The fact that this woman put all of that together touches me.

And then she said, “I want you to know that you are my daughter. You have been all along.”

I regret not seeing her yet, but the message was worth hearing.

Mutual value and connection.  Something I cherish.