It was a difficult week for me.  My brother died.  He had been a good friend.  His death occurred a day before we were having my family for Thanksgiving and three days before I was having a birthday party for my husband.

I was not able to be with Sandy when he died.  I did have two events to focus on.  And my style is to look forward when I can.  And so I interspersed my grief with planning.

The presence and support of family at Thanksgiving was extraordinary.  Not a surprise.  I adore them.

The presence and support of friends was remarkable.  People we have met since we moved to Alameda five years ago mixed with dear friends from long ago in Michigan.  The interaction of these 15 people, who had never met each other before this party, was a highlight to watch.

Friends are people we select to have in our lives.  When we do it in a way that genuinely compliments who we are, they often like each other too.

Thanks, friends, for reminding me of joy in the future.

A teenage client walked into my office with crutches.  She normally walks to the office, but I noticed her mother had driven her.  She told me the following story.

Her band class had been told to meet at a certain time in the band room.  When they got there, they discovered that the teacher had erred and they were meeting a half hour later.  They had that time to waste.  The room was dark and they started to play.  They were running around the room and another student crashed into my client.  She fell, felt pain in her knee, and discovered later that she passed out for a moment.  When she opened her eyes, students were around her and pointed out that she had hit her head and was bleeding.  The boy who ran into her was very apologetic.

One student took her cell phone and called 911 and my client’s mother.  They put a covering on her head, which turned out to be a small wound.  When the ambulance arrived, the attendees commended the students on how they had handled the situation.  They pointed out the appropriate calls they had made,  covering the wound, and staying with her.

The teacher, once apprised of what happened, yelled at the students for running around the room.  She did not acknowledge how they had handled the situation.

Education can miss the point at times.  It would have been a better learning experience to point out what they had done right.  I suspect they discovered their mistake on their own.

A father of a nine year old client of mine pointed out to me his concern because his children have always lived in Alameda and have not been faced with discrimination of race, religion, or ethnicity because of the diversity of the city.  He asked me whether I thought it was wise for him to discuss it with them.  I found his question to be very reflective and encouraged him to do so.

Another client who is Caucasian visited an African-American potential partner in a southern State. His reluctance to show affection in public angered her.  The fact that people in two restaurants changed tables when they sat down did not irritate her because she did not see this as a reaction to their presence.  She and he talked and she felt he should ignore the reaction of other people and do what he wanted to do.

She does not understand, nor experience, discrimination the way this man has.  She said she does not understand his fears and believes he should behave the way he wants to no matter how others react.

The father of my client has a significant concern about the outcome of naivety.

We have always celebrated Thanksgiving by having relatives and friends for dinner.  Always after the Detroit Lions game, please note.  It was a large group of people.

One year, my oldest daughter, who was nine at the time, stood up spontaneously and said she wanted to thank everyone “for celebrating the rape and pilferage of the Native Americans.”  There was a pause, and then everyone nodded and said they agreed.

Thus explains the politics of our family and friends.  That was thirty-five years ago and the teaching about Thanksgiving has not changed in most families or schools.

What we celebrate is being together.  We moved to California to be with my children, grandchildren and the extended family.  That is who comes to our home for Thanksgiving.  It is a joyful, intimate, loving get together. We are thankful.

Stress is everyone’s experience.  Life has become more complicated and multifaceted.  People have more responsibilities. We take in more data.  We meet more people.  We move around.  We respond to people, messages, phone calls, text, emails.  We also initiate these.  We drive in traffic.  We have appointments and deadlines.

Stress can play out emotionally or physically.  We can be anxious.  We can be overwhelmed.  We can be in pain.  We can have stomach distress.

One client of mine has been to a variety of medical doctors and has been evaluated through lab work and three MRIs.  Shoulder and neck pain.  No source discovered.  No cause discovered.  We focused on feelings he has not fully expressed or dealt with.  He learned relaxation exercises.  He learned to stop trying to focus on the cause and to deal with the symptom.  We met for a couple of months.

Suddenly he came in one day and told me how he had finally internalized the prospect that it was caused by stress.  After reaching this point, the pain disappeared.

Relax and yell (perhaps).

The diagnosis was ESD: Election Seasonal Disorder. The past two years have left many people in a state of anxiety, embarrassment, and concern. The election went on for that long, and it often moved into subject areas never imagined.

Who can be trusted? Who lies? One candidate behaved in ways that made who he is clear. The other behaved in ways we were constantly encouraged was not the truth.

When I was in Budapest a month ago, the hotel owner asked me about Trump. I asked him if he was aware Trump planned on building a wall between the United States and Mexico with the Mexicans paying for it. He said he had heard that. I told him that I did not believe that would ever happen, however, as we spoke Canada was building a wall between the United States and Canada to be sure that Americans would not flock to Canada if Trump wins.

He laughed. For me the humor was a nice break from ESD.

The older we get, the more conscious we are of what we can do to keep our bodies healthy.  The focus is not so much on how we look, but on how we feel and how we want to continue to feel.

Exercise has been a routine in my life for a long time.  Since moving to California, I have gone to a gym three mornings a week for 40 minutes.  I use a variety of machines and, in between, follow an exercise tape.  I have seen this as a way of using my body, keeping it flexible, enhancing balance, and strengthening arms and legs.

The other morning I went to a weekly meeting where I always prepare the coffee for a large group of people.  I am there before anyone.  I went to the cabinet where the materials are stored, including the coffee pot.  In front of it, all of the items left from an event we had done two days earlier in the same building, were stacked.  I could not get into the cabinet.  I moved the items to another location about 10 feet away.  This included eight cases of sodas and water and boxes containing six bottles of wine each.  Each was heavy and the stack was high.

I imaged feeling uncomfortable the next morning. Instead, I felt no discomfort.

This is another piece of evidence that we are able to take care of our bodies and prevent pain.

Take care, readers.

Sometimes regression can be fun.

Last night I was at a fundraiser sponsored by the Alameda Business Network. Because we did the event a week before Halloween, it was an option to wear a costume.

I have not done this in years.  But, I made the choice, while shopping one day, to glance at costumes, deciding I would consider something to wear on my head.  To be honest, I wanted a tiara, but the only ones I found were too tiny.  And then I saw cat ears, and I reflected on my grandkittens and decided the character fit.

During the fundraiser, quite a few people showed up in costume, and it was truly entertaining.  It was delightful to see people I know made up in characters that took thought and time.

It was great to be playful.

Oh, those professionals know how to do it.

I listened to an interview with Norman Lear.  He produced innumerable shows including All In the Family on television.  Next month he will be 94 years old.

He was asked about how he would explain his success, good health, and sharp mind.  He said “I can sum it up in two words.  Over and next.”  He said that when the day is done, whatever happened is over.  He does not dwell or hold on to things of the past.  He lets them go.  He moves onto the next.  He looks forward and makes plans.

He then suggested that if one could put a hammock between over and next , it would signify the here and now.  Be there when you can.  That is how he does it.

He got my attention.  We do tend to dwell on the past and hold on to things.  To be able to move on is liberating.  And to be in the present allows us to appreciate what we have and be who we are.

Think about it.

While at exercise today, I was aware of what appeared to be an intense conversation between the manager and a woman.  Another person came up to me and began to describe an exchange that had occurred before I had arrived.  The woman was very upset about conversations occurring between a few people exercising.  She said they were so loud she could not hear the music.  The manager turned up the music.  The woman asked that the people be asked to stop talking because she still found herself unable to hear the music adequately.

I am aware that I am focused on interpersonal verbal communication.  I understand a person’s interest in hearing music while exercising.  During my time there I did not find the conversation overriding my ability to hear the music. I am dismayed by an attempt to discourage conversation.

In my time at exercise, we formed a group to meet for lunch once a month because some of the people we had formed relationships with at exercise no longer attended and we wanted to maintain contact.  It is a nice feeling to form relationships and to nurture them periodically.  We had gotten to know each other through conversation,

The music was the background.