When I was young, my mother would not talk to me if I was crying.  I never understood her position.

A woman told me someone she knew well confronted her in a way that shocked her.  She did not understand the person’s position and felt unfairly judged.  She cried, and the confronter looked at her in a way that suggested the crying was inappropriate.

Crying is a way to express feelings.  Sadness, joy, depression, anger, are four feelings that prompt tears.

We hold on to too many feelings.  We avoid expressing them in words or in behavior.  Tears are a way of letting go.

It is unfortunate that adults discourage the display.

I wrote earlier about the response people were having to the Trump presidential election.  I am now finding expressions of anxiety and alarm as international events are less than ideal.

Just this week:

Pictures of the effects of chemicals in Syria have angered and concerned people.  The bombing of an airport in Syria by the United States scared people.  And the tension between the United States and Russia have contributed to a feeling of unrest.  The United States used a massive bomb for the first time in Afghanistan and it prompted some to anticipate war.  It is suspected that North Korea will test nuclear bombs and it is believed they have one that could reach California.

It does not appear that the emotional reaction is inappropriate.  We are kept apprised by the news with pictures, interviews, and stories.  Everything is brought into our lives quickly.

It appears that anticipation of conflict between countries is haunting many.  There is not much that can be said to provide comfort.

I went to my grandson Isaac’s soccer game yesterday.  It was in San Francisco so I tried to gauge the weather since it is often different than Alameda where I live.  It was supposed to top out at 68 degrees.  I wore jeans and a light long sleeve top.  I took a sweater just in case.  We went to breakfast first and the sweater was necessary.

At the game, I sat on the faux grass for 1 ½ hours in the sun.  I have always been a sun person and I do not wear a hat or sunscreen, to the chagrin of a couple of people.

When we went to leave, I got up and felt a couple of steps away from faint.  I walked slowly and then knew I needed to sit for a second.  Everyone asked why and then offered water, something I had not consumed during the game.  I walked again and was very light headed.  I felt relief once I was in the car.

It had gotten hotter than anticipated and it has been a long time since I have sat in the sun.  In fact, it has been years.  I am not a water drinker except at meals.

My body has changed since my lifestyle has changed.

I am still learning.

I will begin a column in the Alameda Sun on April 20.  We will see how the readers respond to the idea before making a long term commitment. It would appear once a month in the Health section.  The paper comes out every Thursday and covers the news and events for the city.

I am encouraging the readers (surely there will be many) to submit questions to me via email.  I plan to dedicate my monthly column to the questions submitted to me.

I have decided that I will not address questions that may be inclined to prompt people to believe there is a right answer that would apply to everyone.

It will be an exciting new experience.

Isaac and Ari were here for a sleepover.  I am tempted to address the thoughts and feelings that were shared, always a statement of how I love learning more about them all the time.  I am tempted to disclose the things that we did, always a reflection of their diversified interests.

Instead, let me address their junk food consumption.  No, just let me list it.

Popcorn, jelly bellies, and caramel popcorn (homemade).

I just realized this is less than usual.  I may have to do another blog on this another time.

It was time to connect with new referral prospects.  I made a list.  I was practical about it; I included addresses and phone numbers.  My plan was to call, introduce myself, and, hopefully, be able to set up a time to meet.

I do not like this part of my business.  I enjoy meeting the people.  I do not like the initial calls.

I was at a meeting with a speaker.  My friend Bob was sitting next to me.  I told him about my marketing dilemma before the speaker began.  He suggested writing out a script or two before I began making calls.

During the presentation, the speaker suggested that too many solo workers do not recognize that hiring help would be very beneficial.  The cost is often worth not having work to do that creates a feeling of being overwhelmed or preoccupied.

I turned to Bob and said, “If I write the scripts, will you make the calls?”  He laughed.

Later that day I was telling my daughter about my resistance to performing this task, and she said, “I would happily call people to promote you.”

Somehow, I cannot convince myself that having other people make these calls is appropriate.  At some point, I am going to have to accept and perform this task.

Impulsively, I decided to make some.  I have a few recipes, and decided to make the first ones I prepared when I had children.

Some memories emerged.

Julie preferred eating the dough raw before the chocolate chips were added.  She did not care for chocolate.  Whose child is this?

I worked long days, typically getting home as the kids were preparing to go to bed.  Lest I be away from Carrie, Erik and Julie for too many hours during the week, I chose to leave myself and hour open to be home when they got home from school.

Carrie walked in, warmly greeted me, and went to her room to do homework.

Erik walked in, warmly greeted me, and went to watch Johnny Sacko, a Japanese dubbed show, before he went to his room to do his homework.

Julie walked in, warmly greeted me, and went to her room to call a friend to resolve an issue with a friend over something that had occurred at school.

They did not talk to me.  They did not tell me about their school day. They had their own agenda.

I wondered what might have been different if I had baked chocolate chip cookies?

I never found out.  I stopped coming home for an hour.  I don’t know that they noticed.

A client told me that she had a painful experience with a very long term friend.  They were at a museum viewing a show that was very significant to both of them.  It was political and it represented the views they had taken historically.  The friend viewed the show in ten minutes and indicated she would be in the gift shop.  My client was surprised that her friend had spent so little time at the show.

When she was done, she met her friend and asked her opinion of the show.  The friend responded, “It was alright.”  My client was troubled by the brevity of her answer.

When she related this to me, she explained that she was distressed because she believes her friend may not want to be her friend anymore since she discloses very little in terms of her thoughts and feelings.  I asked her if she has spoken to her about this.  She said, “I have asked her innumerable times to tell me more, and she does not.  I know where she will go with this so I have not.”

Often we fail to disclose what we are truly thinking and feeling.  To say to her friend, “I am concerned that our relationship is changing and I would like to discuss this,” addresses the problem directly instead of adding her own interpretation of her friend’s behavior.

We are not encouraged or taught how to express who we are.  It is unfortunate.

I made the decision to get a new computer.  The one I had was over five years old.  I did not want to wait until it crashed.  And so I went shopping.

The first thing I told the salesperson was that I needed to know that I could transfer my Quickbooks and Word to the new computer.  She said that was easy to do.  Wrong.

It turned out to be impossible to do.  I had to buy a new Quickbooks and a new Office program.

In the meantime, my computer spent a good deal of time with the Geek Squad.  I was without it for over two days in totality.

Fortunately, I had taken the smart phone my daughter gave me a while ago, resistant as I was to giving up my flip phone.  I never use my mobile phone and did not feel there was a reason to change unless I was unable to board a plane without the boarding pass on my phone.

Without my computer, I was able to check emails.  And so, with underlying resentment and anxiety, I survived the time.  I will write about the adjustment to new technology next time.

I always thought I was not a dependent person.  Wrong there too.