Today a client told me she is overwhelmed.  She works full time owning her own business.  She lives alone and does the housekeeping, cooking and shopping.  She is taking a significant exam to go back to school and needs to study.  She is on a special eating plan and has to prepare enough food on Sundays to last through the week.

We explored ways she could have a couple of hours away from these demands.  Hiking, swimming in a lake, taking a drive, having coffee with a friend.  It was not easy for her to focus on this and I am eager to hear what she did next week.

As she was departing, I told her that I had awakened during the night and discovered I was really looking forward to cleaning my house today.  It is a contrast to work and membership responsibilities.  I was going to be alone.  For me, having the time to do a regular task at my own pace and be able to visualize some of the results of my work, was something to look forward to.

She left concerned about me.  I did well.

I recently took a weekend trip down to LA to visit Julie, my daughter.  Lately my knees have been uncomfortable and I will be beginning physical therapy in a couple of weeks.  I have mentioned this to her and am aware that I rarely talk about how I am doing physically.  I told her that walking up and down stairs tends to put the most stress on my knees.

There is an elevator in her apartment and over the weekend it failed to work on a few occasions.  She took immediate action calling the building manager and I discovered that she was very assertive, mentioning that I was visiting and she did not want me walking the stairs.  There were a few interventions that she took as the elevator was not reliable.

We went to a play downtown which meant parking underground.  As we walked to a restaurant and the theater, there were steps.  In each situation, she kept directing me to the elevator even though it was a longer walk, but did not require stairs.

Her care was very touching to me, though not surprising.  As a person who prefers not being taken care of, even when ill, she saved me from discomfort.

I hope I am attentive to others in the same way.

Thanks, TF.

I am not surprised by a theme presented by many of my clients.  The summer brings a new schedule for the children which often means a new schedule for the parents.  Arranging to get the children to their activities and dealing with the children’s adjustment or lack of it to the activity produces frustration and stress for many.

I recall when my children were younger.  The end of the school year meant dance recitals, soccer or baseball banquets, graduation parties, and finalizing all school responsibilities.  I was worn out and eager for the summer break.  Once summer began, it was rearranging schedules to provide transportation to day camp or summer jobs or to friend’s houses or to the roller rink or to wherever.

It took me a month to acclimate and by the end of summer I was worn out by the schedule and ready for school to start.  School began and it was new schedules: getting to school, to jobs, to soccer, and adjusting to new teachers and subjects.  It took me a month to acclimate.

I finally accepted that the theme was repetitive.  I was worn out twice a year and acclimating two months a year.

We all adjusted and are still talking to each other.

In Alameda, there is an attempt to have restaurants stop automatically providing plastic straws with drinks.  The straws are not recyclable.  To begin with, the goal is to have the facilities wait for someone to ask for a straw before giving one.  This means that people have taken the responsibility of contacting places and asking them to do this.

It also means that guests can take the initiative of asking servers to not bring a straw.  Once again, an attempt to heighten peoples’ awareness of how we can contribute to help save our environment.

Paper straws are apparently far more expensive than plastic ones, thus making it difficult to expect that food places will make a switch.

I hope that this blog will heighten our awareness of how we can stop contributing to deterioration.  We all need to be educated about so many behaviors that have become habitual or ritualized in our lives.

Can we change?  I sure hope so.

Last week I mentioned my two cancelled flights to Detroit to see my mother-in-law who is soon to be 100 years old.  I adore her.  I called her two days in a row to let her know each flight had been cancelled.

During our second call she told me that she was having a physical problem and had delayed treatment because of my visit.  She never will talk about her ailments.

She also told me that she had learned something from me in 1998 when I was in a very serious auto accident.  For a while it was not certain I would live.  Her recollection was that I decided to live and development an attitude to transcend and move on.  It worked for me.  She disclosed that there have been a few times when she remembers that motivation and has used it to move on herself.

The fact that this woman put all of that together touches me.

And then she said, “I want you to know that you are my daughter. You have been all along.”

I regret not seeing her yet, but the message was worth hearing.

Mutual value and connection.  Something I cherish.

I was flying to Detroit.  My flight was leaving at midnight, a red eye.  My friend was picking me up at 7:30 am.  I took the only direct flight from Oakland to Detroit.  It was my first time on this airline, one many people avoid I heard.

The day of the flight I did not receive notice to check in, a message I always receive when I am flying.  I initiated the check in myself and was told more information was needed and I was directed to call a specific number.  I did so and was told there was a 75 minute hold before I could talk to a representative.  I did not have that amount of time available so I decided to check in at the airport.

At 7pm my husband got an email, not me, that the flight was cancelled.  He called and was on hold when I returned home from a meeting.  We both pursued the airlines on two different phones and on the internet.

Eventually I spoke with a person who told me the flight was cancelled because of weather.  My only option, given I was dedicated to reaching Detroit this weekend, was to take the same flight the next night.  I made the arrangement.

I called my friend in Detroit and informed her of the change.  She said the weather was ideal there.

My husband was angry at the whole situation: flight cancelled, blaming weather, waiting on two phones for what seemed like forever, and finally, on one phone, reaching a representative from the airline who insisted on speaking Spanish.  He does not.

I handled it differently.  I recognize when I have no control or options.  I let it go.

As I have said before, onward.

My three-month old computer was malfunctioning.  The cursor decided what it wanted to write.  I took it to the Geek Squad and was told I would not have it for 17 days.  I had my former computer, but discovered the hard drive was gone.

I was without a computer.

I had my phone.  I got emails.  I saw Facebook.

For the most part, I read a lot during my spare moments.

After one week, I had a lot of activities on a Saturday.  Midday I went to San Francisco, picked up my daughter and went to my grandson Isaac’s soccer game.  After, Carrie and I went out for dinner.  When I took her home, I said, “I am exhausted.  I want to go home.”  As I pulled away, I was aware that I am never tired until I get into bed at night.

The next day I changed the bed, did laundry and cleaned the house, typical Sunday activities.  At times, I needed to sit down and do nothing.  I was tired and felt incapable of doing anything.  My thought: it is aging.  Finally, I am getting tired.

In the afternoon, I had an epiphany.  I was not tired; I was going through withdrawal.  I who have strong views about the use of technology and how it is replacing human interaction.

I ceased being tired with this awareness.

And, yes, my computer is back and I am on it all day long.

I am a person who could speak to an audience of hundreds of people and feel almost no anxiety.  Public speaking, the most common fear people have, is not mine.  But I do not like initiating conversation with a person I do not know.

This has been a major challenge for me since I moved to California five years ago and I knew no one in Alameda where I chose to live and open a private practice.  It was necessary to meet people as a way of marketing my work.

A couple of business groups were recommended to me.  Each sat in a circle and each person took a moment to introduce him/herself.  I could do that.  But when I went to a mixer or not organized event, I was apprehensive about beginning a conversation.  If someone came up to me and began talking, I was fine.  It was beginning the conversation for me that was the problem.

Eventually I discovered a couple of lines that worked for me, i.e, “What brings you here today?”  Over the five years, I am much more comfortable.

What intrigues me is the number of people I have met socially or professionally who take a while before they admit they are anxious in situations where they do not know people and they avoid these settings.

It is a very common fear.

In all of the years I have practiced, I have never before had three clients end therapy on the same day.  Each was an appropriate ending.  When they first came in to see me, an issue was identified and they had successfully achieved a goal.

The conversation at the last session was very typical.  I was thanked for the wonderful work I had done.  To me, it feels like being credited with their success.

I do not take the credit.

I point out that I may offer some insightful comments, suggest some viable alternatives, and offer support regarding how they feel.  But I do not have the ability to make change in anyone’s life.  Change is predicated on a person’s willingness and ability to do the work.

It is important to me that each client recognize their work in causing change in their life.  The credit belongs to each person.  It is valuable for each of us to recognize and take pride in what we are able to achieve.

Control and success are wonderful.

I watched the movie “Sing”.  It was animated suggesting it was for children.  Indeed, it was, but it was also for adults.  It was inspirational.  It demonstrated how people can perform with great talent and ability when they fail to follow the directions given to them and decide to follow their own direction.

I believe that we are often limited in our performance by having to follow the rules or directions.  I am curious how children will do in school if they are encouraged to pursue their own way of learning.  I am curious how employees will do on their jobs when they use their own judgement.

When I parented, I found my children had their own mode, their own instincts, their own views.  Usually they were very successful by following their own path.

Too often we stifle talent.  Watch the movie.